Salmonella; can result in weight loss +/-love.

You know when you are newly dating someone and you’re all like a super cool version of yourself? Yeah well, I would advise that that is not a good option…Here’s just one reason why.

Ivan “My turn to choose what we eat for dinner this week! It’s not fancy but I would love to take you to a Korean BBQ!”


Erin (loves meat) “Sound’s mean! Lets do it!”

Now, I won’t go name shaming any restaurants in Auckland but hands down this one has scarred me for life.  We ordered some different BBQ’d meats and Ivan suggested some “chicken hearts”.  Normally, boring Erin who doesn’t try many outrageous foods would of said “Hell no!”.  But.  Because I was being cool Erin, I was all over it…

Erin “Wow, these are actually quite nice!”.  *eats a few sticks of chicken hearts while Ivan eats the other 20*

The date goes splendidly well.  Plenty of giggles, lots of shit’s to be had later on.

That night, at 1am, I wake with overwhelming nausea. I’m sweating, but freezing cold.  I think to myself “Oh this is just bloody great”.   I don’t vomit easily.  It’s like a big event for me if it does happen because i’m just not a spewer by nature.  However, that night, I knew what was coming, and it scared me.

I run to the bathroom, sit on the floor, wake up ??seconds later white as a ghost and dripping with sweat.  Then, out come the chicken hearts.  My first thought was “I was clearly very hungry at dinner”.  The hearts were nearly fully formed. Gross.  The taste and texture still haunts me to this day.

I was sick. Like, really sick. Feverish, aching, nauseated, vomiting, diarrhoea, stomach cramps, unable to eat or drink.  Ivan stayed over that night.  He slept through the whole thing *shot bro*.  I didn’t have the heart to wake him and I didn’t want to be that loser white girlfriend with a stomach that can’t handle new foods.

I patiently waited for him to wake up because I really wanted him to go home.  I didn’t want him to see me in this state.  Plus helloooooooo, I am a nurse after all and I know how to look after myself.  (NB: Nurses & Doctors make the worst patients)

But he wouldn’t bloody budge.  Despite the constant runs to the bathroom, the burning butt, the nausea, the sweat soaked clothes, the accidents, he stayed through it all. Providing the oral hydration, the regular medications, the temperature checks, the clean pj’s, the change in bucket, providing the lemonade ice blocks, wiping my brow and wiping my…..jokes.  I couldn’t wipe it was too sore.

This went on for several days.  I lost weight.  I lost my pride.  I lost my dignity.  Our dating relationship reached new awkward heights.  Most of those new relationship barriers were broken down, it was like we went straight in to “nurse love zone” where no rules apply and gross stuff is just normal.

This is how I fell in love with Ivan and this is the story we hope to tell for generations.  A story that grosses people out instead of making them go “Awwwwwwww” because life is not always a fairy tale and my poo doesn’t smell like roses.  Ivan can vouch for that.

Shout out to Salmonella for the love gained and the weight lost.  Don’t come back again. Holla.




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