How do I start? What should I write about? Why am I doing this? Do people even read it? I’m not funny plus my grammar is shit. Do people really want to read about my boring life anyways?
Then I had a flash back to a convo that I had with a friend last year;
Him: “Why haven’t you written a blog in ages?”
Me: “I want to, I just don’t know what to write about”
Him: “Write about not knowing what to write about”
Me: “That would be gay”
Him: “Who cares? At least it’s real”
I stared at him in deep thought, we ate Christmas ham and then the conversation was over.
I don’t vlog, mainly because I don’t want to and also because i’m awkward as hell in front of a video camera.
However, I do love writing. Writing lists and doing life admin is my favourite, but also writing down whats inside of my head is fun too. I guess it’s like therapy for me – just like when you *insert the thing you do here*. My phone is full of lists, ideas, plans and at times I find terrifyingly Buddha like life lessons that have come straight from my brain and I scare myself.
I’ll never forget the time I was sitting in an airport, all alone, staring at the masses of people and right there and then I realised how insignificant yet how unique I was in the large scheme of life. Words started flowing out of my stubby fingers and before I knew it, I had written a novel on my phone. I read it to a friend after a few cheap beers in Vietnam – she stared at me blankly. “Too much?” I asked. She nodded.
One night in Croatia last year I sat on a boat with a group of people from all parts of the world and a few bottles of very disgusting cheap wine. We went around the group and announced what we wanted to be known for after we were gone (you know how it gets deep when the chardonnay is flowing). My answer was simple and a total anticlimax compared to some of the answers some people were giving, I slurred something like this; “I want people to say that “Erin didn’t pretend, she was herself and she was real”.
Even now, writing this at 4.30pm, showered but not dressed with some strangers cat sitting on my lap my desire is still the same. Real doesn’t always win you popularity but at least it gives me a clean conscience. This year I want to write more. Maybe it will be for me, maybe it will be for you? Maybe it will get me in trouble, hopefully it will make you laugh or even better – you’ll be able to relate to something I say.
Anyways, there is a little pressure demon sitting on my shoulder telling me to wrap it up because people on the internet have very short attention spans – so here are my parting words…